Sleepless ... Ego ... Beauty

This is a recent sketch on my way to Tokyo at the gate and on the plane.  Its drawn on a notebook I'm submitting to an exhibition to be held in Tokyo.  The first part was a contemplation of the smell of lifelessness, notes to my self to imagine how would a room/place smell if it had been desolated for millions of years, totally without life, which shouldn't have any rotten stuffs.  Would it smell NOTHING?  Nobody can tell, maybe there exists a new smell which nobody ever smelled before and it would be so raw it instantly connect to your most primitive brain/consciousness?  I can't stop thinking and imagining it.

The second part of the sketch was done while I was waiting at Gate 4 HK Airport.  My son keeps demanding to come to our bed every night around 3-4am, so by the time I finish working or updating my blog, he is already there and he refuses to make way.  So naturally in order not to wake him up to have another familiar episode of uncontrolled crying while he is in his half-wake half-sleep state, I always choose to sleep at the very corner of our bed.  Its warm in my heart to let him have a most comfortable sleep yet its a total prisoner experience for my body to 'rest' in such tiny little 'cell'.  I'm not complaining but accept this part of life as parenthood, which is going to be reflected in many of the future events, the dilemma of wishing him good yet suffering one way or the other.

The right part of the page was done on the plane to fight sleepiness, to stay alerted in order to combat body illness. Yes, I am a person suffering from flu or pain on my body if I start to relax, not a good sign.  It shows a huge discrepancies between what I want to get the most from this life and what my body can afford.  Anyway, the idea of a 'cell' was roaming in my head, what if I can lock up my 'ego' into a cell and set it aside, what is the rest of me that's still me?  My 'id' still exists as I'm a living being, my connection to 'superego' cannot exist without my 'id' and 'ego'.  Does that mean if I lock up my 'ego' and disconnect, my 'superego' cease to exist?  If I adopt the notion from Edgar Cayce that there is a level of consciousness superior to social interacting norm called 'superconsciousness', am I still something that's so unique without 'ego'?  Oh man, that's too complicated to think.  So back to a more simple mind, if I have my 'self' locked up, the rest of me would be the 'natural radiance of beauty' of .... me!  This drawing documented a process of thinking, not a view.